dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How's work?
Spinning.
Mom said you looked used
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
