So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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