Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
