please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
did i walk over a car last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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