He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
