never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
