I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
