dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
