Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
