i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
