we have pet lesbian snakes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i now understand why vodka
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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