So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
