And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
