Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
