Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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