I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
