I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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