who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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