The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
