yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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