He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
BRING THE BAGELS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
