You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
