So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
