So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
