Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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