ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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