Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
