i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
