so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
