Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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