just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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