I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
