i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
