More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
