Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
