I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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