Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
