Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
