I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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