WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
