i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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