Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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