I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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