Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
