Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
