is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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