So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
