You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
