Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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