i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
